If you have a sexual problem, it is inevitable that your soul mate will also develop one. When seeking your sexual soul mate, there are several yin yang sexual problems that can occur.
Do you accept your mate and see sexual performance in a nonjudgmental way so both of you can reach sexual fulfillment? Can the difference in sexual exposure between one partner who has had no premarital experience in sex and another who has had numerous partners and numerous sexual enjoyments? Can you be patient and wait for sexual compatibility?
If you have a sexual problem, it is inevitable that your soul mate will also develop one. As you choose your soul mate, there are twelve big reciprocity sexual issues to consider.
TWELVE SEXUAL PROBLEMS BETWEEN PARTNERS
1. PREMATURE AND RETROGRADE EJACULATION
result in sexually unfulfilled experiences. Such intercourse can cause your mate to become impotent. When you hold back your semen, your mate may feel you are denying her your ejaculation.
2. THE TWO-CAREER FAMILY
In our economic times, most couples are working to make ends meet. You and your soul mate now have new major roles outside of your family and have equal status within the household as well as outside the home.
You must adapt to changes in the distribution of power within your marriage. You are proud of your soul mate’s achievement, but become troubled about your mate’s increased assertiveness, independence and power. Arguments occur about how to spend money, raise your children, and how to share responsibilities at home.
Arguments related to power concerning sex and the control of the sex act add to conflict. Wives today are sexually assertive and demanding, and seem less accepting of unsatisfactory sex.
Reading Cosmopolitan and Redbook, they think their sex is stale and unexciting. try to get their husbands to read sex manuals. Not being able to show their hostility at work, they bring these feelings home and display hostility to their husbands. Husbands find their egos deflated, and fear loss of their marriages and its effect on the family. Sensing they were never great lovers, they try to force their wives to return to their former nurturing roles.
3. AN UN-ORGASMIC WOMAN who does not lubricate well and experiences very little excitement during sex, may make you feel you are not competent sexually or are not an exciting lover.
4. A CONSERVATIVE MALE who doesn’t discuss sex may be unable to express himself sexually in a free and open manner. This makes you a less responsive and non-orgasmic partner.
5. AN OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE HUSBAND who as a child has been conditioned to hide his feelings, may approach life logically, and wants to control the relationship. He relegates you to a child-like position and wants to permanently own you. Because you are a vivacious, spontaneous, and arousable mate, he finds you exciting. Methodically, as he stimulates you during sex, he constantly assesses his masculinity by timing his ejaculation. Each sex act is an arduous task for him that helps him prove his masculinity.
6. PASSIVE-DEPENDENT MALE WITH AN AGGRESSIVE AND CONTROLLING WIFE.
You may feel inadequate and never initiate sex. A self-reliant woman attracts you, and you hope to incorporate her strengths. She manipulates people to make her feel dominant, and she never cooperates.
Neither of you can trust each other as equals. You have two choices: dominate and control, or depend on your spouse and submit. As time goes by, you may fail to get an erection when you are fatigued, drunk, or stressed. Your wife becomes frustrated, and you then develop secondary impotence as your safety valve. Unconsciously, you see her as your mother.
7. PARANOID HUSBAND AND DEPRESSED WIFE
Here your husband is concerned about his masculinity. He becomes jealous and suspicious. He wants to intimidate, and when his masculinity is questioned, he becomes outraged.
He has a desperate struggle to survive. If he has a male boss, he finds it emasculating, and he does everything possible to get fired. Usually he is attracted to a woman who will take the blame and responsibility for all his failures. She must have low esteem, and like her husband, she rejects her parent (usually her mother). She is always looking for approval that her mother never gave her.
But he will never give you the recognition you seek and he will persecute you to prove his masculinity. There is repeated fighting and reconciliation. He looks at sex as a struggle and must always be victorious. A lasting erection proves his masculinity to himself.
8. DEPRESSED HUSBAND AND PARANOID WIFE.
The wife’s suspicions and jealousy help in her harassment. She avoids sex as much as possible. Mothering is to be avoided at all cost. She identifies with the aggressive mother of her childhood. Your depression leads to lack of sexual desire and your wife welcomes this. Neither of you even try to correct this situation.
9. THE SAINT OR SINNER SYNDROME
Some people have sex only with partners they see as ‘bad and inferior’ to them. The opposite sex is seen as ‘good' and pure and sexless, or seen as ‘bad' and impure sexually, and this is highly desired. The woman is either motherly or non-sexual, or a prostitute.
Some men are attracted to women that are promiscuous, immoral and inferior. Sex is seen as evil and dirty and cannot be performed with someone he sees as good and motherly. Thus he satisfies his sexual drives with impure and promiscuous women.
As some men are attracted to prostitutes, some women are attracted to bad and dirty males. Many women are attracted to men they see as bad guys. To them, sex is bad, dirty, improper, and forbidden. Yet they find sex is exciting and pleasurable and the unconscious mind chooses sex with bad and forbidden partners.
After marriage the woman sees her husband as a father figure. To her, sex is incest. To solve this problem, an attempt is made to make her partner look like a sinner. Dirty and obscene words are used during foreplay and sex. Seeing her man unshaven, dirty, and sweaty, becomes very arousing.
To meet her sexual needs, she will go to singles bars and become openly sexual and “on the make” with men.
10. IMPACT OF GREAT WEALTH ON SEX.
Having a lot of money, is not as much fun as you may think. The very rich enjoy sex less, and lack a sense of meaning in their sexual lives. Often there is a vacuum in most other activities.
Many rich kids have a terrible feeling of emptiness. Money allowed their parents to be away a great deal. Maids and boarding school substituted for the consistent absence of their parents. With constant changes in parenting figures, they become withdrawn, depressed, distrustful, and very bored.
Once grown, sex, to the rich child, is often used to pursue pleasure and to strike back at the parents, to feel more alive, and to relieve depression. Young boys grow up with pornographic videos, magazines, always seeking bare breasts, pubic hair, and sexual acts in erotic photographs. Society’s current acceptance of a casual attitude about sex eliminates inhibitions and they see sexual freedom will make their lives happier.
But greater freedom goes hand in hand with less importance. The very rich have a much more casual, accepting, and less exciting attitude about sex.
The middle class has a greater capacity to enjoy sex than the very wealthy. They can never be as free and casual about sex as the very rich. Sex is more valued and important and that which has value cannot be given or taken lightly. The constant experiences of the middle class reinforce a sense of heading somewhere and moving in an important direction.
Dating, serious involvement, marriage, and parenthood are still gratifying. Certainly, sex always plays an extremely important role, but love is inextricably linked with self-esteem and has meaning. As more people jump from middle to upper class, changes occur in the formation of more casual sex.
11. CHRONIC ILLNESSES CAUSING SEXUAL PROBLEMS
Many chronic illnesses create problems in daily living, and sex is becomes less important than medical treatment and rehabilitation.
Despite discomfort and pain, people with physical problems still retain their sexual libido. The desire for sex remains strong, even though the person is unable to perform as well because of his illness.
Illness creates a marked change in your relationship to others. It forces you to change your behavior and adopt new roles. A stroke may limit your mobility and verbal expression. Cancer can disfigure you and wreck your self-esteem. Severe arthritis may limit your sexual enjoyment. Having a colostomy may make you concerned about the odor of the ostomy. Facial disfigurement from cancer surgery may result in a feeling of shame and ugliness.
Even bilateral amputations, allow you to perform sexually, despite severe limitation in mobility. Female cancer surgery can lower your feeling of femininity. You must discuss solutions with your partner as well as your doctor.
12. PAINFUL INTERCOURSE IN THE MALE
Inadequate lubrication is the major cause and results from inadequate foreplay.
Many allergies can also cause inflammation of the penis. These include a) contraceptive creams, foams, and jellies: b) rubber in condoms and diaphragms; c) soaps and detergents; d) douche preparations; e) hygiene sprays and deodorants; f) externally applied lubricants, and g) normal female vaginal secretions.
Painful ejaculation is almost always caused by acute prostate inflammation. Prostatitis can be bacterial, but also due to prolonged abstinence from sex resulting in congestion from prostatic secretion. Traumatic injuries to the penis, testes, and vas deferens, as well as herpetic inflammation of the skin of the shaft of the penis, can cause pain with sex in the male.
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